


The life of Samuel

by another_maggies



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Episode Fix-it, F/M, Samuel has type 1 and lives, basically canon compliant, only there's Samuel, well more like Season Fix-it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-09-22 01:47:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9576557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/another_maggies/pseuds/another_maggies
Summary: This story will portray the life of Samuel Norbert Avery in a world he gets to live in. Because we all know it would have all been different if he had.





	1. Baby baby

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the thing: Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type I is actually not that bad. Shonda could have turned this around and used their storyline to explore the in and outs, to raise awareness. In my eyes she blew it big time when she didn't.  
> So yeah. I want to explore that. I want to see the perfect Averys dealing with something that isn't perfect. I want to see April and Jackson not breaking, but working when it comes to their baby.

Jackson was nervous. It was early August. Outside it was raining. Not untypical for Seattle, but not what he needed for today.

A smaller, delicate hand found his and squeezed it. "Ready?"

Looking down at his wife he couldn't help but smile. Unlike him she was more excited than scared about what they would do today.

 

Nine weeks. That's how long they'd waited for this. Nine weeks.

 

For him this time passed partially in a blur.  
April still had seven weeks left until her maternity leave expired. Not that it mattered. As his foundation basically owned the hospital she could stay absent as long as she pleased and always return to her job. Given their son's delicate condition she would likely not return for half a year at least. Likely even longer as finding a nanny or nurse familiar with Samuel's disease had been a long shot so far.

As soon as her bedrest had ended April had spent every day in the NICU with their son. Sitting by his side, helping to feed him, singing to him, praying.  
Jackson had been working.

Yes, that had been his choice. He took a week off. He had intended to take another, but seeing that both April and Samuel were doing so well he just felt out of place. So he already took a few surgeries in the second week after birth and full on force in the third.  
He had only seen his son when he dropped April off in the morning and picked her up at night. Not even an hour a day. And now.

And now he was supposed to pick him up. For the first time in Samuel's life they would hold him. After nine weeks of watching they would hold him.

 

Jackson did not feel ready for this.  
Back when they got the diagnosis he couldn't listen to anything Arizona told them after "it isn't lethal". The relief had dulled out all of his senses. Although he clearly remembered the smell of April's hair that day (in her flustered mode she had used his shampoo), he could not remember any advice they had received regarding the care of their child.

Sure, he'd sat his ass down and done his own research. But knowing that he had to pick his baby up with one arm on his back and one hand on his belly to avoid fracturing his ribs didn't mean he could do it. Knowing that he should be gentle, methodical and slow in his movements didn't mean he wouldn't tremble with fear.

Jackson wasn't prepared. Not really.

 

Any other day he might have run. But damn. This was his son. April and Samuel, they were his family. He had to man up and do this. Because they trusted him to do this.  
Well. April, anyway. He didn't know about Samuel. He hoped he wouldn't disappoint.  
Arizona greeted them with a bright smile, which April immediately copied and Jackson tried to copy, but it really couldn't hide how nervous he was.

"Hey you guys! Someone's so excited to finally be held by you", she exclaimed.  
Had her voice always been this high and annoying? How did Torres cope?

"We can't wait", April replied in a voice that was even higher (but cute).

"Yeah. Can't wait", he repeated. At least he didn't have to smile when he spoke.

The pediatrician led them towards the incubator closest to the big picture window. He'd knew the way in the dark after all the times he went down there. April seemed to feel right at home.

Jackson watched, petrified, as Arizona slid the surface open and carefully but expertly lifted his son into the air. He was dressed in a legless onsie (If possible long sleeves should be avoided as they could cause fracturing to the long bones) with his initials stitched onto it, clearly handmade by Karen Kepner. His eyes darted across the room as If he'd never seen it. Great. So Samuel would be able to witness his father's failure first hand. Just great.  
  
  
  
"...just like that." Wait- what? Did he just miss Arizona giving instructions to April on how to hold him? How did he miss that? Dammit.

"Jackson, do you wanna try?"  
Uhm.

He could try to turn the tables. "Maybe you should hold him first, Apes?"

His wife, beautiful but oblivious, much to his dismay shook her head.  
"If I take him up now I won't let him down until I have to. You hold him first. I know you've got a nasal bridge reconstruction at three."

Her smile was so bright he already felt bad for disappointing her. He took a step towards the crib. His son smiled up at him. Hopeful, faithful. Damn.  
  
  
  
"Don't worry", Arizona put in, "I'll be here every step of the way. Besides, you're doctors. You'll do just fine."

Jackson just had to believe that. Maybe it would come true. When you wish upon a star.  
Hesitantly, he put his hand under his son's back, spreading his fingers wide apart to evenly apply the pressure. He lifted him a bit with one arm. Nothing happened. Gaining new confidence he added his other hand beneath Samuel's head, which still rested on the pillow. And then he lifted him, ever so slowly, until the little boy was propped up against his chest.  
For a moment the world stood still.

Then April released a cry and tears started spilling all over her face.

"He's fine, April. He's okay. You don't need to cry... April?"

"I'm not- I'm... these are happy tears", she explained, rubbing at her eyes. Good thing she'd remembered to put water proof mascara. He knew she'd hate for the first pictures of her holding their son to be ruined by smeared make up.

"Oh."

"We need to take a picture!" Tears forgotten, she swirled around to hand Arizona her new camera (a thank you for convincing me to have our son present from the mister himself) before she returned to Jackson's side putting a hand on his bed.

"Smile", their friend/pediatrician demanded. Jackson found that for the first time that day it wasn't something he had to force.


	2. Jackson!

"Antlers?"

Jackson sat with his arms crossed in front of his chest suggesting no approval. However, the right corner of his lips was already curling up halfway to a smile. April could tell.

"Yes, well. I contemplated wings and a halo, but none of it made sense", she explained waving her hands as she did. "I mean: a halo, that is kinda over the top. He's clearly a little miracle and all, but he's not baby Jesus."

"Clearly", Jackson supported.

Any hint of sarcasm went ignored by his wife as she went on: "So the halo is out. Wings would be cute, of course. But putting wings on a head? That's just silly. So the wings are out... yeah, I guess, antlers it is."

April tried to play it cool, waiting a couple of seconds before she turned around to face him. Her eyes betrayed her excitement. "So... What do you think?"

Jackson shrugged as if he didn't care. "I guess antlers it is."

"Jackson!" The pillow hitting his arm came as a surprise. "I want your opinion, not mine."

"I guess antlers will do." He turned to look at her. She looked beautiful. The light reflected in her eyes and he couldn't resist giving her a short lived kiss. "He'll look cute."

In spite of the kiss April rolled her eyes. Why couldn't her husband ever be openly involved in anything? "I know he'll look cute, stupid. He always does."

"So? What's the deal?"

And there she had it: Jackson's opinion. He didn't care. He probably just wanted to take the scarce minutes Samuel would stay asleep for a make out session. April moaned as she tried to bury herself deep in the cushions. An earlier version of herself might have been insecure about his lack of support. This working-married-mom-version of her wasn't. She was simply annoyed.

Annoyed that Jackson, once again, wasn't interested in participating in dressing up their son.

 

"It's his first Christmas! It's supposed to be special", she exclaimed.

"I get that", he assured. She could feel his hand sneaking up behind her back. Oh no. She wouldn't let him get away this easily. Not today.

Shifting out of reach, she replied: "I really don't think you do."

With a pout and crossed arms she leaned back, waiting.

He sighed. "April..."

"Don't April me. It's his first Christmas. I'm not going overboard here." She shifted back to face him. "You", she said pointedly, "are underboard."

"Underboard? That's not even a word."

"Doesn't matter. You still are."

 

They sat in silence for a while. It was odd, because they rarely had it anymore. Samuel was a big cry baby, which, really, they couldn't blame him for. Both of them would also be crying if they either regularly broke their bones or frequently lay awake with the pain of them healing.

Right now, though, Samuel wasn't crying. No fresh injuries and no healing as of the moment. The little Simpson style cardboard flip chart in his room read '37 days without a broken bone' at the moment.

They would really have to hide this thing before April's parents visited. Catherine had taken it in with a raised eyebrow. Karen would probably faint. Not everyone could understand why they had to take this with humor (or as April's jokster of a husband would say: with humerus).

 

"Do we all wear antlers?"

Of course, Jackson broke the silence with concerns about himself. April couldn't help rolling her eyes at him. Her small giggle gave away that she was not really mad, though.

"Nooo... that would look silly. Parents look plain so they can showcase their children", she said. It was ridiculous she even had to point it out to him. He should know that. "Did your mom never take any Christmas pictures with you?"

"Only those for the foundation", Jackson shrugged. "And those never included antlers. Just suits and ties... and I don't think I was the one showcased there."

April frowned. "Suits? When you were Sammy's age?"

"Yup. Baby Armani." His accompanying wink earned him a slap on the arm.

"Stop being ridiculous."

"I'm not!" Before she hit him again, Jackson gave her some serious input to think about. "Didn't she ask you? Last Tuesday, when she called. I bet she asked you."

"Who. Asked me. What."

"My mom. She asked you Sam's size", he explained. Victorious, he relaxed against the sofa.

"No, she did-" Cutting herself off April realized that Catherine Avery had, in fact, asked. "B-but she needed to know because she was getting him some clothes for Christmas..."

"Oh, I bet she will", her husband agreed nodding. "Some very nice suits and waistcoats."

The smug grin on Jackson's face only agitated April more.

"We're not putting Sam in a suit", she declared, her voice raising in pitch as she spoke.

"We're not, mom is."

"I'm serious!"

"I know. And so is she."

"Jackson!"

 

As he looked at his wife, her head buried in her hands, her mind probably filled with horror scenarios, Jackson knew he had to weigh his options.

Since April was the least stubborn out of the two most important women in his life, she would eventually give in to the suit, especially since they would not put trousers on their son's legs. The risk of breaking his bones in the process was still rather great. April would definitely agree to a legless onesie with a suit printed onto it. His mother would not be thrilled by the substitution, but satisfied. They would take the pictures for the foundation and have a nice Christmas, end of story.

However, If he kept pissing April off she would pick a fight with his mom out of spite. She might even put Samuel in all his psalm gear, which Catherine despised seeing him in and Jackson, still in awe at most things their son did including wearing clothes, couldn't care less about, during their trip to Boston.

 

Jackson couldn't risk falling out with either of these women. Definitely not with both at the same time. And so, he knew he'd have to give in to April's wish of taking overboard Christmas family pictures with antlers.

Yet before he could say anything his wife, as usually, beat him to it. "The thing is... I really hate the helmet. I know he needs it. I know it helps him, but I just... hate it."

He hadn't known she felt so strongly about the subject. Samuel's skull bones were at high risk for flattening out if he lay on one side for too long. Add to this his trouble with sleeping through any kind of movement and you had the perfect candidate for an adjustment helmet. He was fitted with his second one a week ago. April had been good about it. Making jokes, calling Samuel her little rocket man. Jackson hadn't realized it was bothering her all. Then maybe it wasn't-

And that's when he realized. "You want to put the antlers on the helmet so it looks like it's part of his Christmas outfit?"

In the most adorable way ever, if you asked him, April bit her lower lip. "It's probably a stupid idea, but I was thinking about when he'd be older and we'd look at these pictures and he would be in this thing and he... Never mind, we don't have to do it."

"No, Apes... I think it's a great idea", Jackson said quickly. This time when he snaked his arm around her waist to pull her in for an embrace, she let him. "Sam will love the antlers."

"Really?"

"If not, we'll just give him coal for Christmas."

"Jackson!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already published this on my ff, but was too lazy to upload it here until now... I guess some new ff is good after the lack of new Grey's this week.


	3. NYER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On a darker note...

The ER was as full as you'd expect it to be on New Year's Eve.

Nurses, doctors, residents, attendings, chief – everyone on staff, namely those who chose Christmas over New Year's in the battle of who-gets-off-when, was busy filling out reports, treating patients or making rounds looking unbelievably helpless.

Every other night Jackson and April would have been either amused watching or been involved themselves. This New Year's Eve was different.

 

The minutes were passing by slowly as they sat on the gurney some intern had left them on... - Jackson sat up as much as he could with April in his arms to check the clock – ...over two hours ago. Sighing he gently eased back against the backrest. More like wall. But whatever. He wasn't gonna be picky. This was better than no way to rest at all.

April didn't seem bothered much by the movement. At 11.40 she was getting quite drowsy. Despite the ripe age of seven months Samuel still slept odd hours when he did sleep, which meant April slept at odd hours, too.

On the upside they had found a nanny with OI experience who'd start in January. Whether that really would help them, and more importantly whether that would really help Samuel, with their sleeping issues was something they could not know yet. Especially since April would start working full time right away.

Jackson knew she needed this. Being a good mom to Samuel had been her main focus even before he was born. It never crossed her mind to leave their son before they found someone trustworthy and capable enough to take care of him. Since his birth all her time was spent with their baby boy.

When he was awake, may that be in pain or not, she entertained, fed, changed and cuddled him. Of course, Jackson had done his fair share of those things whenever he was around. But he had to admit that April's share had been far greater. And even when Samuel was asleep, April spent her time researching OI, getting in touch with other parents, researching national conferences on the topic (happening every two years, with changing locations, as she informed him) and probably a lot more things she forgot to share with Jackson.

April was incredibly invested. And that's why she needed to go back to work so badly.

 

He understood she was just trying to be the best mother she could possibly be (and in his eyes she was). However, her disinterest in everybody besides their son could not be particularly healthy in the long run.

On Meredith's birthday he had basically dragged her to the party kicking and screaming, although his mother had flown out just to stay with Samuel. They stayed for two hours in which his wife didn't neglect to let everyone knew she wasn't enjoying any of it. Eventually he gave in, mostly to prevent the party and April's social status from more damage.

Even though their friends eventually adapted to April being a package deal with Samuel, Jackson still thought that she should feel comfortable on her own. This overly attached parent thing had to stop before it got out of hand.

Which is why he really, really hoped their nanny would stay true to her word, and Samuel would get better at sleeping and April would be happy to be at work again. Surrounded by grown-ups only, where she didn't have to swear-block conversations with a cheery: "small ears!".

 

"Jackson?" Her tone at the moment was less than cheery. It was sleepy.

"Mhmh?"

"Do you think we should just go?"

This suggestion surprised him. It was the first time she'd indicated being exhausted by sitting in the waiting room for the benefit of their child. Maybe she wouldn't hate going back to work as much as he'd suspected she would. "Really?"

She sighed, her eyes dropping to their son, who rested stretched out on her legs. "Look at him."

He followed her request in slow motion. Jackson, too, was now used to an early bed time.

Samuel was asleep, breathing evenly. He was dressed in a rather adorable polar bear jacket, short, super lose trousers – they looked more like a skirt -, and socks. Sleeping like that he looked so peaceful it was hard to believe he'd been screaming out his lungs in pain a few hours ago.

Two, to be exact. Two hours since they came in, got a gurney to sit on and a few pills for Samuel's pain that – conveniently – wore him out.

"I know it's horrible, but..." April turned her head and bit her lip, which was usually a big turn on for Jackson. Right now, though, he was just too tired to react in any way. "I kinda wish he was still screaming. That way they might pay some attention to us."

"It's not horrible", Jackson assured her. "I kinda feel the same way... glad you said it first, though."

"We're horrible parents", she sighed as she brushed her hand over their son's little hairless forehead. Thanks to his helmet, brushing over his head was not possible.

"Maybe. But it's not like Sam's got a say in this."

The redhead scoffed, then blinked her eyes before she turned back around to face her husband. "I'm so tired, Jackson."

"Yeah, me too", he agreed.

"No... not like that", she corrected. "I'm really tired of all of this, I..." Her hair hit him in the face as she shook her head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't... I-"

 

Well that escalated quickly.

Pushing through his tiredness Jackson reacted as quickly as he could. "Hey, hey, hey." His hand moved to her shoulder, squeezing. "You've been here for him nonstop since he was born. It's okay if you need a break. Everyone would..."

To his surprise April threw her head back against his shoulder, her eyes focusing on the ceiling.

"But that's the point. We don't get to have a break. We shouldn't get to have one. He is our son. We can't just take a break from him, take a break from this..." She gestured vaguely around the ER. Something about how she did it told Jackson she was not talking about working at a hospital.

"I hate this", she muttered.

Frankly, this came as a bit of a shock to Jackson. The way April had insisted on being constantly present for Samuel he'd never considered she might not feel comfortable doing it. Obviously it made a lot of sense. Seeing Samuel suffer sucked. And yet he'd never realized how much it bothered her, or that it bothered her at all for that matter.

"How long have you been feeling like this?"

"A month? Two? When he got the helmet, I think... yeah, that must have been it."

Thinking back to the day Jackson could remember the way she had insisted that there must be another way than putting a helmet on Samuel 24/7. Jackson also remembered the way he had quickly agreed to their ped's plan instead of listening to April's concerns. A wave of shame hit him as sudden as unexpected.

"Christ, April, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I could have told you. I just didn't want it to be true, I guess." She yawned. "Sleepless nights really do loosen your tongue like nothing else, huh?"

He smiled sadly. "I guess."

 

The ER was still loud and busy, but Jackson felt overcome with tranquility and loneliness.

How could he have missed this? He shouldn't have missed this.

She always smiled when he got home, always told him their day had been good even when they'd been to the hospital yet again. April was born cheery. But their son was seriously ill. She had appeared to cheery, to relaxed and calm for their situation. Grateful for her strength he just held onto her. She was rock. Except, apparently, that rock was not as solid as he'd assumed.

Something should have told him.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda. That wouldn't help them right now.

"Do you want me to... uh... take him?"

He was relieved to see her snort. At least she could still laugh at his silliness. "I don't mind holding him, Jackson." Their eyes met again and in a dead serious tone she told him: "I mind taking him to the hospital, because he's hurt. I mind watching him get hurt over and over again. I mind not being able to help him. I don't mind holding him. I love him."

"I know you do", Jackson replied in reflex. He had not even processed everything she'd said yet. When he did, he shook his head and said: "Listen..."

"Sixty seconds till midnight!"

Irritated, Jackson turned his head to the cheery announcer. He was trying to have a conversation for Christ's sake.

Adding to his irritation were the people, who now started counting down with the television. 60, 59, 58, 57... couldn't they just start at 10? Or even better, not at all.

 

"Oh my god", April exclaimed. Her sudden grip on Jackson's arm was actually painful.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry", she quickly said. 44, 43, 42... "It's just... this is all wrong!"

38, 37, 36... "What do you mean, wrong?"

"It's Samuel's first New Year's Eve and we're at the hospital!"

The baby didn't appear to be fazed by any of this at all. Then again he was pretty much drugged out.

"I've got my phone. We can take pictures", Jackson offered.

"This is not funny. We're missing out on our own party."

Indeed, their family and friends had gathered at their apartment. Those who were off, anyway. Food, drinks, photo props and all. And now they weren't even there for their own party.

At least, Jackson trusted his mother to make sure they still had a home to return to when their doctors finally checked out Samuel.

To Jackson it was ironic in a way. He wasn't excited for the party in the first place, seeing his mom with Webber still stirred a strange feeling in him. However, ending up in the ER had not been his initial plan of getting out of the party. Actually, he'd hoped they could drop of Samuel with his mom or Arizona or someone and then sneak off for some celebration on their own... but that wasn't in the cards for them, apparently.

 

A sniffle pulled him from his thoughts back to the gurney with the wall back rest. "April? Are you crying?"

"I-I... I just really wanted this for us..." She didn't even bother to brush away the tears. It wouldn't be much use anyway. This was a big bailing session, not just a few tears of regret.

Jackson tightened his grip on her shoulders as the crowd reached 10. "I know, babe. I'm sorry."

Everyone called out their cheers while his wife cried into his shoulders, relieving some of the stress she must have felt for over half a year now.

Yeah, this was definitely not what they'd normally do on New Year's Eve. One look at Samuel was all it took for Jackson to realize that no matter how bad things got, he wouldn't have it any other way.


	4. Almost normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On a brighter note...

"Hello, Dr. Avery. You're early today."

Dr. Avery. It was still strange for April to hear somebody call her that. Technically, she was. Avery was her name now. Her passport said it, her nameplate said it, her bills said it. However, her coat didn't. Her publications didn't. Her heart? Well, even after almost two years of marriage Dr. Avery still was her husband to her. Or his mother. Being confused with both of them felt odd to her.

April smiled at Linda, the receptionist who called her the name she associated first and foremost with her mother-in-law. "I finished early so I thought I'd take this as a chance to watch a little."

"They've got five minutes left, so you can just step up to the gallery", Linda told her gesturing towards the right flight of stairs.

"Thanks, Linda." The redhead threw her a bright smile before disappearing upstairs.

  
  
  


Although Samuel had been in his classes for almost half a year now, April had actually never watched. She only came to play taxi every other week, and when she did she arrived right after class was finished. Even when she'd still been on maternity leave she'd never caught the tiniest glimpse.

In the beginning it felt like she couldn't watch, like it was something she wasn't allowed to see. Too intimate. Too private. Too... much?  
It was weird to think about her own family that way. However, they were only getting the hang of being a family very recently. Testing the borders was not a phenomenon restricted to teenagers. As new parents they also had to learn about them. Was it okay for Jackson to watch April nurse Samuel? Was it okay for April to criticise Jackson's burping skills? Was it okay for Jackson to listen to April sing Samuel a lullaby? Was it okay for April to listen to Jackson sing a Samuel a lullaby? Was it okay for Jackson to climb into the bathtub with April and Samuel?  
Was it okay for April to watch Jackson engage in a swimming class with Samuel? Until today she'd felt like watching this father-son-experience was a line she should not cross. Today, she was ready. She was excited.

  
  
  


A few familiar faces appeared in front of April as she reached the top level. So far, Tom and Adam were the only ones she'd been formally introduced to already. Given that they were chatting away with a tiny crowd, she could easily assume that the other adults also had children in the class. It also proved Jackson's theory of him being a rare exception in accompanying Samuel. There were only two women, April excluded, up in the gallery.

"April", Adam exclaimed as he saw her. "Didn't think you'd ever make it."

"Wasn't sure I would", she replied sheepishly as she approached the group.

"Everybody", he said, "This is Sam's mom, April."

One after the other gave their name and their kid's name, some a little wave.

"Nice to meet you... all", April murmured, although, honestly, she didn't have a clue about who any of them were. Samuel wasn't at that age where children started forming friendships yet, so he didn't exactly talk about his class mates.  
Well. He didn't talk at all, but that was completely fine for his young age of nine months.  
Although she prided herself in her name memory, which truly came in handy in the ER, she could hardly remember any of the parents' names - nevermind their children - two minutes later. Maybe that skill was restricted to her workspace after all.

Tom and Adam, fathers of Estella and Fred, were only known to April because they happened to cheer for Boston Celtics. That was all the information Jackson had needed to invite them over for his last viewing party. April would never admit it, but she'd been rather glad they'd come without their children. Sometimes seeing healthy babies could still upset her, no matter how hard she tried to focus on the brighter sides.

  
  
  


The place on the lower podium the group had April take a seat on, although uncomfortable, offered a great view of the class. She immediately spotted her boys in the water.

"It's great of Jackson to put away this time to spend with Sam", one of the two other women gushed, "Putting family first, he's a real gentleman."

"That he is", April agreed as she watched them spin in circles. She was tempted to snap a picture, especially since Jackson had remained so beautifully oblivious of her presence. Maybe she'd send it to Catherine- or even better: threaten Jackson with the possibility of sending it to Catherine. Some leverage might lighten the task of convincing her husband of the necessity of putting bunny ears on Samuel's helmet for Easter. If Jackson had liked the antlers after all - their family and friends all praised their cuteness - he never told her.

"I take the older girls to dance class, so this is completely Lauren", Tom put in. The memory of him talking about his four daughters was still present in April's mind. He appeared to be both absolutely smitten and stretched too thin by his life.

"Well, we've all gotta take turns when it comes to the offspring", the second woman joked.

April snapped a few pictures on her phone. She'd keep them, for now. They were so cute it would be hard not to share them, but having some leverage to help her husband cooperate could prove a greater advantage in the longer run. She would have to consider all her choices.

"Sam's a single child, isn't he?"

"Uh-huh", April nodded, her eyes remaining fixed on the happenings of downstairs. She didn't even register who'd asked her the question. Jackson was currently spinning in a circle his blue-greenish eyes focused on those of his son. In all his, literally, ill luck Samuel had been lucky enough to inherit his father's eye coloring. To April this was just one more feature that made him beautiful. The most beautiful part of her son, though, in her biased opinion was his smile. It was honest, pure. She loved it when he smiled. Currently, he was smiling at his father as he was paddling through the water.

"What's your thing with him? Mommy and me yoga?"

The woman's smile didn't help April with answering her question. Except for the normal range of changing, feeding and playing she didn't really have a "thing" she did with Samuel. She wasn't even sure Jackson would have this swimming class if it wasn't so good for their son's joints. He'd probably prefer taking him to soccer or basketball or one of the other kinds of sport Samuel would likely never be able to participate in.

Personally, she didn't see the point in putting babies in any classes, save for medical reasons, obviously. Why spend money on some supposedly brain stimulating occupation when babies could very well occupy themselves with the wondrous world around them for hours? Her parents always told stories of when they just let them lose around the farm for hours. Even Dr. Catherine Avery, who'd put Jackson on his first pony when he was four, agreed with April on this matter.

Besides Jackson often came along when April went out with Samuel. Grocery shopping didn't count as a hobby (and again, wasn't restricted to her only). She couldn't very well brag about their many hospital trips. So what did she do with her son that Jackson did not participate in and that was kinda special...

"Church", she concluded with a content nod. "Sam and I do church together."

Because _technically_ Jackson did not partake in church. Except if catching sleep in service counts.

  
  
  


Jackson was surprised to see April talking to some of the other parents as he entered the waiting hall after class. She basically didn't know anyone around here as she mostly arrived just in time to pick them up. For her to be so engulfed in a conversation with these people that she didn't notice him approaching her from behind was far from typical.

"Hey Apes", he greeted her as he wrapped his free arm around her waist. "Making friends I see?"

She swirled around with wide eyes. "Jackson!" When her eyes found their son in his arms she beamed. "Hi Sammy! You did so good in class! My little merman." The baby squealed as she showered him in kisses.

"Don't I get one?", Jackson pouted.

The one he received was quick and court. However, the blush on his wife's face totally made up for that. He loved how she was still hesitant concerning PDA. Kind of ironic given the ways they'd made use of on call rooms and supply closets, on numerous occasions.  
(Or the one time they collectively crashed a wedding in front of a few dozen of people. Her wedding.)

"Well, we better go", Tom said, "Gotta pick the big girls up from grandma. See you guys soon."

"See ya", the Averys, save Samuel, echoed.

April's attention went back to the baby, who'd babbled something she claimed kind of resembled 'see ya' (it really didn't).  
Jackson smiled. He was glad to see her excited like this. Going back to work really had been a good decision for her, even though she constantly cried, literally, over missing Sam the first week back.

Somehow being back in the ER made her less uncertain and more relaxed. Their nanny was a real angel, which helped considerably with returning to work for April. Against her worst fears it made her a better mother in Jackson's eyes. To him, happy mothers were the best mothers and April was happy when she could do her work and be a mother.

He kissed the top of her head. "Ready to go home?"

She nodded, happy.

  
  
  


They went outside with their arms resting around each other.  
Well, one of their respective arms. The other two were occupied with their son, entertaining and holding him.

Jackson noticed by-passers' eyes resting on them for a tiny second too long, as if looking at them would get them some of their happiness.

"You two looked so cute." At her husband's raised eyebrow April added: "And handsome. Cute and handsome. I couldn't help snapping a few pictures."

So much for keeping secrets. Not one of April's best qualities.

"Are we doing confession time now? Because I totally mixed colored and white last week and re-bought everything so you wouldn't notice. That's why your jeans were so stiff this morning", he said.

"Jackson!" She swatted his chest, which made their son giggle and also join in in the chest swatting.

"Just kidding." He grinned and watched her round the car to move the baby seat onto the back row. "I totally did that", Jackson admitted to his son, who babbled in response. "No telling mommy, though, Sam, or I won't help you with the deep diving next week."

"Seat's in. What are you two conspiring about?"

"Nothing."

April smiled. Her boys. How wonderful it was to just pick them up from a hobby. Almost normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since English is not my first language I'm looking for a beta reader, preferably American to make it more authentic. If anyone's interested, please send me a message so we can get in touch. The pros are: being able to read the new chapters before everyone else aaand some influence on the storyline. So, type away, and as always: Thanks for reading!


	5. To break or not to break

As soon as the elevator doors opened Jackson squeezed out between them, and started his race down the halls. He must have appeared to be a mad man – not unlikely with the psych ward so close by -, speeding through the halls on a quiet day like this. Plastic consults weren't exactly 'urgent', not usually anyway. To his co-workers there would be no obvious reason for him to race around the floor like that. To him there was, though, and this wighed heavier than the comments he might later receive for his current actions.

The curtain on bed number 14 was closed, which caused his heart to skip a beat. A closed curtain was usually not a good sign. Either something was wrong or the bed had been put on hold for the time being. Considering it was his son's bed he would prefer neither of those options.

After taking a deep breath Jackson pulled the curtain open, ready to be faced with the worst.

 

He wasn't. All he was faced with was his family.

April was sitting on the gurney with stretched out legs on which Samuel rested. It was a familiar sight that, oddly enough, helped Jackson to relax immediately.

"Hey", he greeted her taking a seat next to her legs.

As she looked up he looked down at their son. It was obvious Samuel had not just started crying a minute ago. His face was all red and tear stained, but his tiny lungs were not done yet. Whoever was in charge of their case had probably pulled the curtain on them to limit other patient's annoyance. April might have even done it herself. Sometimes she was too considerate for her own good. However, this wasn't the time or place to argue about that.

Ever so lightly Jackson brushed his fingers against Samuel's cheek. "Don't cry, little guy. Daddy's here, mommy's here... what more could you want?"

He didn't receive a reply from his son. April, it seemed, had more to say. "Working legs?", she suggested dryly.

Her husband looked up at her with some concern. She was still dressed in her navy scrubs, which made sense since she was working until five today. Although she must have been exposed to their son's miserable sounding cries for some time now she didn't seem especially upset. It was hard to tell with her hair partially hiding her face. He took his hand from Samuel's cheek to reach up and tuck some stray strands behind her ears.

"You alright?", he asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just a bit bummed I didn't get to see him walk. We don't know when that's gonna happen again", she explained, looking pointedly at Samuel's legs.

"Mh... I get that feeling.", he agreed, following her gaze to their wailing infant.

 

Times like these made him question whether working nine to five was really worth it. Despite the fact that he had not missed any milestones of Samuel's before today – if seeing them on clips April took on her phone counted – he still experienced his own share of working-parent-guilt. With a child constantly at risk of breaking a bone it was even harder. Not that he had anything to compare his feelings to. They only had one child. But Samuel breaking something crucial to his further development was a cloud hanging around even when he was safely in Jackson's own arms. Today he had not only missed their son's first steps, but also hadn't been there to comfort their boy when his legs crumbled beneath him- literally.

Jackson supposed April's feelings couldn't be too different from his own. He was sure her mind was racing 100 miles an hour as she watched their weeping child wiggle. Well, as much as one could wiggle with a broken... yeah. What had he broken anyway?

"So, what exactly are we looking at? Tibula fracture? Broken femurs?"

April shrugged. "I don't know. Someone was supposed to come with an x-ray some time ago, but I guess they needed it elsewhere... I would have gotten it myself, but Hannah seemed to be pretty upset about all of this, so I told her to just go home for today. Besides, I really didn't want to leave him with some random person he doesn't know. Not when he's in pain like that..."

She bit her lower lip and Jackson just knew she was experiencing the same conflicted feelings he was right now. Or something close to them at least.

"Sucks that we weren't there to see him walking", he probed.

"Yeah", April agreed with a sigh, "I wish we would have been..."

 

Jackson titled his head as he watched her brush her hand up and down Samuel's belly, probably to distract and calm him a little. Her third month back at work was drawing to an end. Full shifts, on call evenings – she was all in, and so was Jackson. Thanks to Hannah it was possible. Their nanny was very flexible in her schedule and seemed to love Samuel almost as much as they did.

Also, since she came Samuel had been completely injury free. To Jackson, this was a serious candidate for becoming the eight wonder of the world. He wanted to know Hannah's secret, but she kept insisting that there was no such thing as a secret and he'd see soon enough once Samuel broke his first bone under her watch...

She had been right after all.

"I'm kind of glad I wasn't, though." His wife's sudden confession made him look up at her. It took him a second to even understand she was talking about being there for Samuel's first steps.

"What do you mean?"

Never before had April expressed anything other than affection for their son. She'd openly admitted to resenting his illness months ago, which they were still dealing with. But she'd never even hinted at needing a break from Sam himself.

She bit her lip, which, under different circumstances, might have had quite the effect on him. "I mean... I'm glad I wasn't there when he hurt himself, because I... I'm kinda glad he broke a bone under Hannah's watch." Her eyes darted across the hallway. "Oh my god, I can't believe I just said that. Don't tell her."

Jackson chuckled. Only April could make him laugh in a situation like this. And reassure him. He reached over to squeeze her knee. Only April.

"Don't worry, I won't... I get where you're coming from... in a way."

Their eyes met, but not in understanding. She was clearly confused.

"I was wondering where she got that magic touch", he said, "Three months and no broken bone? We've been breaking his bones since before he was born."

April snorted. "We should put that on a onesie. Breaking bones since before I was born."

Jackson was glad she took it with humor, not as an insult. "Great idea. Let's do that."

"But we need to hide it when my mother comes", she giggled.

"Only if we can hide the 'Jesus loves me' jacket when my mother comes", Jackson argued.

"But Jesus does love him. Yes, he does, Sammy, yes he does..." Her hands had remained on Samuel's belly rubbing it. Since the cries were getting less in frequency and volume it seemed to be working.

Jackson rolled his eyes in an attempt to appear unfazed. "Whatever."

The thing was that going to church for over half a year had changed his views on going to church. It wasn't like he was scheduling his own baptism in the nearest future, but he didn't mind getting up at eight on a Sunday – not that he was one for sleeping in, being a doctor and all – to put on nice clothes and go to church with his family anymore.

He liked listening to the sermon and the church songs. He knew where to sit on cold days (second bench from the back on the right side, closest to the heating), he knew where to sit for some natural light (fourth bench from the front in the middle, right across from the biggest window), and he knew where to sit to catch up on sleep (behind the pillars, any of them would do, really). He grew accustomed to the ritual, the Lord's Prayer. And he'd grown to appreciate the view the people at church had on Samuel. They didn't saw him as ill. They saw him as chosen. Jackson understood why April preferred this label to an incurable disease.

After all, their son was a genius. Walking at ten months. He might as well be chosen.

Well. Walking for the first time at ten months. Who knew when his bones would be healed enough to start trying again. Baby bones healed faster, but to be honest Jackson had not payed too much attention in peds and neither had April. They'd both known that was one of the specialties they didn't want. April had done a lot of reading up since Samuel's diagnosis, obviously, but without an x-ray they were none the wiser.

 

As if on cue Jo Wilson hit their bed with a mobile x-ray.

"Oops, sorry", she apologized, "Still don't know how to maneuver that thing."

"Don't worry, you're doing just fine", April assured the young resident. She looked at Jackson expectantly.

"Mh..."

"We don't need my legs on the x-ray, Jackson", she hinted with an amused smile on her face.

"Oh, of course, sorry. C'mon over, little man..."

Transferring Samuel from one grown up to the other always proved to be difficult, even without taking extra caution for already broken limbs. Somehow they always managed, and today they managed, too. Jackson placed him down on the gurney. The change of position confused Samuel so much he stopped crying altogether. Instead he moved his head frantically.

April leaned over to come back into his view. "Don't worry, Sammy, I didn't go anywhere."

"Yes, Sam-man", Jackson confirmed with a smile, "We're all here."

"You guys are such a cute family", Jo praised. Her grudge about Jackson's betrayal of Stephanie was long gone. Now all she could see was the picture perfect family. Of course, they couldn't care less about how they looked to others at the moment. "Uh... probably not the time to gush about the baby, right?"

"No, it's fine. It's always fine to gush about the baby", April assured.

Catching her cocky mood, Jackson proudly added: "Did you know we've got an early walker on our hands?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thought I'd update before tomorrow, because who knows how I'll feel after. :P Gotta love bragging first time parents.


	6. Parental control

"San Francisco? That's an... unexpected choice."

Jackson shrugged. He wasn't surprised by the apprehensiveness in his mother-in-law's voice. When April first brought it up he wasn't too convinced, either. But she eventually won him over. As usual.

"We couldn't choose between city, hiking and the beach, so we decided to just do it all", he said.

The expression on Karen Kepner's face reminded him of April whenever she wasn't convinced. Scarily he'd noticed Samuel's brow starting to furrow in the same fashion a few months ago. Especially when he dressed him. It almost made Jackson re-consider his ability to make good fashion choices for their baby until his wife ever so kindly reminded him that it was probably the trousers, which irritated their son after he'd only been wearing legless onesies before. Which was all his life. In an afterthought she added that babies frequently replicate their parents' expressions without a specific meaning, too. This left Jackson wondering whether Samuel disapproved of the trousers or just liked to be April's little parrot. However, it didn't stop him from buying new baby clothes without her.

"It's only a two hour flight, which we think is a good start. Just to see how he reacts to the experience. Especially since we want to head over to Moline for Thanksgiving", April put in, knowing this was what her mother was actually wondering about. "Sammy absolutely loves his swimming classes, so the beach is mandatory. But in case the weather doesn't play along or something else comes up, there's a lot of things we can do in San Francisco."

Something else obviously referred to their son being in a cast that kept him from swimming. April went on without explaining. Her mother was still very sensitive about it all. She wouldn't want to upset her. Not when she was trying to win her over on the idea. "They've got a lot of great family friendly museums, most of which don't want entrance fee for children Sam's age. There's an aquarium and a zoo..."

"Museums? But he's only turning one tomorrow", Karen reminded her of the occasion that had them all gathered here in the first place.

"We read some really good reviews."

April did. Jackson took care of the hotel and flight in exchange. However, he didn't mind that she made him appear better than he was in front of her parents. Although their elopement was over two years old now, he still felt a bit jumpy around them. "This is a good place for us to go to, as a family."

The emphasis on family did nothing to convince the Kepner matriarch. Karen had three more daughters, all of which had not only involved her in their weddings but also consulted her in their daily life troubles. Compared to Kimmy, who once called to ask how to clean a mirror, or Alice, who once sent an essay length e-mail on the pro and cons of going to Hawaii with a young puppy, April was far too independent in Karen's book.

As a child that had been useful, because she was second born to Libby, queen of teenage disaster, and offered a constant source of no extra trouble and charge free babysitting. As an adult Karen couldn't care less for April to be independent like that. First she went to university, albeit still in Ohio. Then med school, also in Ohio, still. But then she topped it all off by moving to Seattle, which was five hours by plane plus another hour and a half driving from Moline, eloping with an non religious man on her supposed wedding day to a devout Christian, and now planning her vacation without any of Karen's input. For the retired teacher this behavior was close to unacceptable.

"Well, I don't know... don't you think that's too much excitement? What if he hurts himself?"

"No worries. San Francisco's got a great ortho children's clinic. Great reviews", her son-in-law deadpanned.

 

"Jackson!" April raised an eyebrow at him, and she wasn't the only one. All eyes were on him. For the first time this evening he was glad April and he were sitting opposite of each other. If they were sitting side by side she probably would have pinched his thigh or something.

He took a deep breath. This building headache wasn't doing mission 'survive dinner with the parents' any favors. "What I'm trying to say is we really thought about this. In every way possible." Seeing the unchanged expressions on his parents-in-law's faces, he added: "Besides, like April said, it's a good test run to see how comfortable Sam's with flying without being too much of a stretch. If necessary we could head back to Seattle by car in a day."

"You really did think about this", Richard Webber acknowledged, which reminded Jackson of his presence and only added to his headache.

"April is thorough like that", Jackson praised. When he realized his compliment could easily be taken down the wrong pipe he quickly added: "In the best way possible." And a kiss on the cheek – difficult enough considering he had to get up from his seat for that -, just to be sure.

Blinking and blushing April said: "Oh, it's nothing. Merely a habit that seems to come in handy for like... the first time in my life."

"Nonsense. The way you organized the ER? Genius", Richard added to the praise-fest making April blush even harder.

She looked pretty like that. Jackson allowed his mind to wander for a moment. Just to take his mind off the pain. Obviously.

Maybe, after their parents left they could-

Yeah, no. Because April's parents were staying in the guest room in order to not miss any minute of the first birthday of the grandson they almost lost the same time last year. And because, honestly, it would be stupid for them to get a hotel room when there was a perfectly usable barely used guestroom available.

 

Jackson could hardly suppress the sigh that threatened to ruin the mood of the evening as he faced reality again. Dinner with their parents (plus Richard Webber, go figure) on the night before their baby's first birthday. Great.

At least, their parents had restricted themselves to bombard their children with questions rather than talking to each other.

Karen and Catherine had only met once on the day April and Jackson got Samuel's diagnosis. The two very different women had gotten along fine that day, united in sorrow. If given actual time to talk about actual topics though, Jackson doubted they'd get along very well. His mother only tolerated April's faith, because she genuinely adored her even before she became a part of their family. But he knew his mother. She only invested into relationships if she deemed necessary. In her book there would be little reason to get along with the Kepners as they would rarely see each other any way. She'd pick a fight if she was in the mood, which would most likely, check that - definitely, bother April.

Therefore, Jackson had answered all questions and would continue to answer all questions without an eyeroll or audible sigh. April was excited to have them all together for Sam's birthday and he didn't want to ruin it for her. Even though he would have been perfectly fine celebrating it just the three of them.

Talking of the man, or rather boy, of the hour Samuel seemed to get quite drowsy in his highchair. He was not fuzzy yet, but his eyelids kept on falling shut before he'd blink them furiously in an effort to stay awake. Much like his mother he was always excited for company. Jackson easily replaced the cloud inside his head with a smile on his face as he watched his son fight to stay awake.

 

"Awww, are you tired, baby?", Catherine gushed. She'd claimed the seat on the other head of the table giving her the best view possible of her grand baby.

"Are you?", April asked her husband, eyebrow lifted in worry. She knew he wasn't all into this family gathering thing. Then she realized. "Oh, you mean Sam. Yeah, it's way past his bedtime..."

The blush was slowly returning to her cheeks. Mistaking 'baby' as a nickname for Jackson after hearing his mother call him that for years wasn't that bad of a mistake, but she still felt silly for asuming it. To avoid confusion like that in the future, they'd already decided they'd stop calling Sam baby come elementary school. Or when another actual baby came along, which was a topic they had not discussed at all and likely should not start discussing in front of their overly opinionated parents.

"I can take him", Catherine volunteered happily. "I don't mind at all!"

"I bet you don't, mom, but right now I think-"

"Fiddlesticks! We can take him", Karen put in, already leaving her seat. "That's what grandmas are for. You two probably need a break anyway..."

Suddenly April and Jackson found the view of their child blocked by their mothers. It was quite amazing actually. As if they had granny super powers. It was also scary.

"It's just his legs are very fragile right now, and we wouldn't want you to-"

"Jackson." He looked down to meet April's eyes and find her hand on his arm. "Give it a rest. He's already in his pajamas. They only have to put him down in the crib. How much damage can they do?"

A lot, he thought. He sat down anyway. Sat down and let them go. Next to him someone cleared his throat.

"If you don't mind I could oversee the whole deal. Make sure they don't break him or nothing", Joe Kepner offered.

April's eyes widened in surprise. This was as far as her father would go with actually expressing feelings. He was a quiet man and usually let her mother gush all over their offspring, but had always been a bit different with April. It seemed this special closeness had passed on to her son as well.

"Of course, dad. That would be nice, thank you", April approved with a big smile.

They watched in silence as Joe disappeared into the nursery behind their mothers. For a while they remained like this, staring at the slightly ajar door with the colorful letters spelling out their son's name. (Only the first name, April had insisted nobody need know his -partially ridiculous- middle name.)

Eventually she turned to her husband and said: "He really did change everything, didn't he?"

Jackson didn't need any further explanation as to whom she was referring to. "Still does", he confirmed in awe.

He met April's eyes and wondered whether she was thinking about the same things he was thinking about – how happy she made him, how lucky he was to have them both, how scared he was at times and how glad she held his hand through those, also how pretty she looked tonight and the money with which he could easily buy her parents a hotel room, or even better a hotel room for themselves while their parents watched Sam... - yeah, probably not.

The sound of key rattling pulled them out of their moment. They turned around to see their chief typing away on his blackberry.

"Don't mind me", he said, "Just don't want to destroy their moment... or moments in general."

April smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry we didn't quite make it to dessert." The one thing Webber had brought to the party, save for himself. "Mom was kinda excited so she outdid herself... it's like her nervous habit."

"No worries, it will still be edible tomo-" Their boss was interrupted by a high pitched shriek emerging from the nursery. Webber raised an eyebrow. Jackson and April immediately went into flight mode, rising from chairs and crossing the room to get to their baby. However, it wasn't necessary. Before they even reached the door halfway their mothers stepped out into the hallway, Catherine holding her crying grandson.

April crossed her arms in front of her chest and Jackson finally let go of his sigh. Audibly, this time. "Spit it out", he heard his wife demand, "Who broke our baby?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally loved the sequel! Although I'm super afraid for what's going to happen in the future episodes. And the mention of Samuel, of course, triggered me to write up another chapter.


	7. The worst patients

Doctors are the worst patients, so they say. Jackson would wholeheartedly disagree with that common belief. Although he wouldn't say that he was a good patient – he just locked himself in the bathroom (or bedroom, pick your poison) until it was all over without accepting any help – or that April was – she would not take a day off work since 'everyone's sick in the ER anyway' and then crash in some random on-call room until Jackson picked her up, literally, and brought her home... they weren't good patients. He wouldn't say that. But they were way worse as the parents of a patient.

One would think enduring talks as parents of the patient since before said patient was even born they would be experts by the time their son was to undergo his first major surgery. One would think they would sit down, take it all in, nod and sign the papers. One would think they wouldn't be as afraid anymore, or as hesitant. Yet here they were. And personally Jackson thought they never would be those easy going parents because no matter how many surgeries, splints, casts and braces Samuel would encounter one thing would never change: he would always remain their son, and they'd always be scared to hurt him.

"So we're talking five hours general anesthesia for each leg?"

It had surprised Jackson at first how clinical April could be when Samuel's treatment plan was in discussion. Sometimes the information she required was so explicit she could have probably jumped into the surgery herself after recieving it. Obviously she wouldn't do that, but in some way it seemed to help her cope to know exactly what was going on. So that was good. For her.

Jackson, on the other hand, found himself wishing he didn't know all he did about medicine. Wishing that he didn't know all the risks that remained marked down a notch on the Informed Consent sheet (just so explicit they couldn't be sued, but not explicit enough to know every little last risk). Most of the time he'd rather be the scared father, holding his wife's hand and asking the doctors to guide him, believing in them.

Right now, his brain was reciting all the possible brain damage risk a child of Samuel's age could suffer from undergoing a total of 10 hours under general anesthesia. Never mind bleeding problems during surgery, possible nerve damage or problems with the blood supply of the legs after surgery.

Callie nodded. "That's what Dr. Lawrence estimated based on her previous experience with cases similar to Samuel's."

Dr. Lawrence was the orthopedic surgeon specialized in OI that would be the lead surgeon on Samuel's rodding surgery. If they went through with it. Callie would be working alongside the specialist on the legs and Arizona would assist, keeping a close eye on the infant's vitals.

One leg at a time would be rodded, both tibia and femur, over the course of two days. After that Samuel would remain in a bilateral hip spica cast for four weeks. This would be followed by bracing on the tibias for another two to four weeks to help Samuel with re-mobilization. Physical therapy would be required for his arms and back while he was in the cast, and for his legs once he was out of it.

They'd been over this two times already and would go over it again if they chose to do it and had Dr. Lawrence flown in (the one time April was glad they had relatively unlimited access to money). The surgical plan, Jackson had to admit, was good. Five hours were great for what they wanted to achieve.

"And how long do you think we can go before replacing the rods?", April went on. Even though this was their second official and minimum sixth unofficial talk she still came up with questions she hoped maybe, possibly somehow would get her ready to do this. It seemed to be the best option. She wanted to do this, she wanted to- except she didn't. The risks were so high and Samuel was still so young and some kids with OI never learned to walk, maybe he was just one of them... but she didn't want to take the chance from him... if she gave it to him, though, he might never be able to walk among other things... it was just hard to decide. And God, again, didn't deem it time to give her a sign, although she desperately needed it.

"It depends", Callie said, which was not enough to satisfy the mother bear side of April, who raised an eyebrow.

"We looked at his growth chart", Arizona put in, always trying to help her friend. In some ridiculous way she felt like since she'd been their doctor she should have caught it herself, earlier than Stephanie Edwards did. It really was ridiculous. OI wasn't treatable. Catching it earlier wouldn't have changed anything. Yet she still felt like it would take her a lifetime to make up for this. "And given his current growth, which is just slightly below average as we've discussed, he shouldn't need a replacement for at least three years. It might very well even be four or five. He might be in second grade before he needs new rods."

April nodded. Talking about the future, the positive future, always helped her keep calm. "Okay. That sounds good, right, Jackson?"

She wasn't getting her sign. That was alright. Slowly, she was getting used to it. Besides she had a husband to turn to in crisis now.

The husband in question shrugged, scratched the back of his head. "Uhm, I... those telescopic rods – they don't involve any extra risks?"

"Well, since they have to be attached close to the joints, there's added risk of damage", Callie admitted. "However, Dr. Lawrence and I agree that the benefit of putting off further surgery for a couple of years is worth it. Dr. Lawrence has performed this surgery a lot of times. And I, although I've never done it on a child so little, have done my own fair share. We're confident we can do it."

"Mhh... okay." Jackson brushed his thumb over the back of April's hand, more to reassure himself than her, but it seemed to do the trick for both of them. He thought about what questions he might still have to ask. What would make sense not only to him, but to the three women in the room. "So... Sam really likes his swimming class. How soon do you think we'd be able to resume that? Can he do it until surgery?"

"Physical activity is neither en- nor discouraged prior to the procedure", Callie answered. This was not a peds question. "If his bones break the surgery should still be possible. After surgery I would say as soon as the cast is off we'll just have to see. He might be able to jump right back in, or you'll have to keep the brace on all of the time for the first week or two. At this point I really can't say."

"Okay", Jackson said for what felt like the hundredth time. Really, what else could he say? They were presented with facts. He couldn't fight them.

April didn't have any more questions either. She'd been in exchange with other parents, some of which had the surgery done by the same doctor. She knew the ins and outs. What she lacked wasn't any more knowledge. She lacked her sign.

The silence continued until Arizona spoke. "So. What do you say?"

Jackson turned his head to face April and their eyes met in what he thought was silent understanding.

"We need a day to think about." - "We're doing it", they said at the same time looking at their surgeons.

"What?"

"I... I just want to be sure", Jackson explained in a voice that sounded anything but sure.

April inhaled, nodded. "That's okay", she reassured him, repeating the circling thumb motion he'd previously done. Maybe he needed a sign, too. "We can think about it for a day... right?"

Callie nodded. "Yeah, absolutely. Weeks if you want to, I just wouldn't recommend to put it off for too long... Let me just print out the papers for you, so you can look them over."

Although April was sure she didn't need those papers, she didn't discourage her friend/baby's surgeon. She thought it would be nice for Jackson to have them, maybe talk to his mother about them. Miraculously, their relationship had improved since Samuel's birth. He often turned to her for help now, although mostly over facetime. Sometimes he'd ask Catherine before even considering asking his wife first. From heating up a bottle to surgery plans.

"Thank you", April replied, squeezing her husband's hand. "That would be nice."

 

Their goodbyes were short-lived. Both of the couples had a kid to come home to. Or, rather collect from daycare. While Sophia was quite used to spending her day there it was completely new to baby Avery, who'd just spent his first full day last week.

When their nanny told Jackson and April she'd move to Spain to open a bar with her holiday fling they had been more shocked than anything. They supported her choice, of course. Her contract was a monthly deal. Legally, they had nothing on her. And even if they had it wouldn't have helped them. They couldn't force Hannah to be happy with staying.

"If she isn't happy I don't think she should be taking care of him anyway", April had said. "That's not fair to either of them."

So, Hannah left and they were back to square one. Given their previous experience of a nine month search starting prior to birth for a nanny of their standards, Jackson eventually convinced April to give daycare a try. It wasn't the same, but sharing lunchtime with their son was a huge plus. Besides, it was their only current choice if they both wanted to stay working.

"This is going to be difficult", April sighed, her arm wrapped around his waist as they walked.

Jackson raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Well, if we choose do go through with the surgery", she replied stressing the if, "He won't be able to recover at daycare. So we'll have to take time off. And Hunt is leaving for the military so soon. The ER's gonna be a mess with neither of us there." She chuckled, but it didn't sound happy.

"We can always ask your mom-"

"No. No, we really can't. My dad..." Her eyes wandered off as she worried her lower lip. "I think he's gotten worse. He didn't have a drop of alcohol when they visited for Sam's birthday. I've never seen him eat dinner without a beer before. I think they just didn't say anything because they think we've got enough on our plates already..."

The frown on her face worried Jackson. He kissed her forehead hoping to make it go away. She shouldn't be getting her first worry lines at thirty-one. Of course, her father's help was a good reason to worry. Joe Kepner pretended like he was all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed even after he suffered a stroke (something both Jackson and April still felt a bit guilty about since it happened only short of a month after their impomptu wedding). As doctors they knew better. They were cautious. Even though Jackson appreciated his parents-in-law's decision to take some weight off their daughter's shoulders, this was obviously not the way. Not knowing to April equaled feeling helpless. She already had one man in her mind she constantly felt that way about. No need to add another.

"Okay. Not your mom. Then maybe my mom..."

April shook her head. "I don't know... Maybe for a week, at the end of recovery. Right in the beginning, though? I'd rather work carrying him around all day with me than having him with someone who's basically still a stranger to him - no offense."

"None taken", Jackson shrugged. His mother had been strangely uninvolved in her grandson's physical life so far. Although she was willing to help Jackson solve little issues on the phone she only ever came when they invited her, never on impulse. He'd like to think she'd grown out of butting in on their lives unexpectedly and wanted to give them space, but since she hadn't neglected spontaneous visits at work he knew something else was up. Work and life got him too exhausted to pick a fight, however, so for now he wasn't figuring this out.

They reached the daycare. The sudden loss of April's arm on his back as she dashed off to get their baby while Jackson signed him out left the young father painfully aware of how much he'd needed just this touch right now. She always kept him calm when his mind wouldn't, even if she didn't notice doing so. Especially, if she didn't notice.

He immediately put his arm back around her when she reached him with their son.

"Hey, baby", he cooed at Samuel, who was looking at him with huge blue eyes. The poor, little guy didn't even know what was about to hit him soon.

Apparently, Jackson's gaze had been obviously wistful. April noticed right away, in any case. She took a hand off their son to touch her husband's arm. "Hey... everything's gonna be alright, yeah? I've got you."

All Jackson could do was trust his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... the total lack of Japril (or April, for that matter) in 13*17? Unacceptable. I'll just assume she's in Chicago with Catherine right now, but still. This must have been one of the most boring episodes I've ever watched. Omelia is basically Japril 2.0 (she runs, he's angry; and different views on having children), Merthan had absolutely no development, and Maggie can't put anyone first. Just. Ugh. I hope next week's better.  
> So, I contemplated writing another, more hopeful chapter first, but I didn't get to it and I'm going somewhere with this chapter, so it stuck. I love them clinging to one another in crisis, though. Don't you? ;)


	8. The talking manual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for you, Jerry. :)

Jackson leaned back in the car seat with a sigh. He allowed himself a few seconds of keeping his eyes shut before he opened them to take a look at the clock. April would expect him back any minute now. He couldn't put it off for very much longer. Another sigh filled the car.

How was he going to tell her this? It wasn't exactly something to greet her with upon getting home. Maybe he should wait until dinner. If he poured her a glass of wine and they had some nice conversation beforehand she might not take it as badly as he anticipated she would. It wouldn't be lying per se. Just keeping the cat in the bag a little longer.

But this wasn't just anyone he was thinking about. This was his wife. April had a way of seeing fifteen sides to everything. It was hard to tell how she'd react. Jackson didn't have her gift of looking at things in so many ways, and, even if he had, who knew whether they'd see the same fifteen sides to the story he eventually had to tell her.

His phone vibrated with a text message, pulling him from his thoughts. As he pulled it out of his pocket to check Jackson wondered what would be worse: a message calling him back to work or-

April. This time he sighed out of relief seeing it was his wife, who'd texted him.

Did you get hold up at work?

After a minute of consideration – taking the car somewhere, perhaps the cinema, cool down, then come back and talk to April did sound tempting – Jackson replied with a simple: No, I'll be right up. Putting off the inevitable just wouldn't do. Not with what they had to talk about.

At least the sight he came home to was far more pleasant than his day had been so far. April and Samuel were seated at the kitchen counter, both with a plate in front of them. He'd made it in time for lunch. A great time to be present at right now, because their thirteen-month-old was trying a lot of stuff for the first time. His reactions were hilarious to watch. Also, it was about time those teeth that kept them awake for a few nights in a row were finally put to some use.

"Hello, you two", he greeted as he shed his jacket, "Seems like you're having quite the party over there."

"Hello to yourself", April replied with a broad smile. "We're having tortillas. There's one for you, too."

Jackson walked over to greet both of them with a kiss. April first, on the lips, Samuel second, on the cheek. The baby squealed when he saw him, dropped his food and reached out his hands to him.

"I missed you, too, buddy, but you shouldn't drop your food like that. It's rude", Jackson told him kissing his chubby cheek. Afterward he pulled out a chair and sitting down on the other side of Samuel.

"So, how's it going? Can he chew the dough?"

It only took a second for April to break out into a rant about how she googled a recipe with extra soft dough that would be easy to chew, which, however, did not meet her expectations when she tried chewing the first one she'd made, which, in return, led to her calling her mom, who, luckily, could offer some advice on crêpes dough, that, thankfully, had only to be altered a little bit to upgrade it to tortilla class, but was totally chewable for their son. Jackson found himself enjoying this. Listening to her and watching her finding so much joy in the little tasks of parenthood. He seriously couldn't imagine life without Samuel anymore. Although it had been touch and go in the start and the hard days were still incredibly hard, the happiness he brought them was totally worth it.

Seeing his wife so happy with their current situation made Jackson feel even worse about the news now. He chose to postpone them until Samuel's afternoon nap. Their son didn't have to be present for a possible fight. Shouldn't be, really.

"I think he really likes it, though", April finished her tale. She widened her eyes as she returned her attention to the infant. "You like it, don't you, Sammy? You really do. C'mon... tell me whether you like it, please."

Samuel responded like most one-year-olds would. He babbled back to her in delight.

"April, you know what they say", Jackson told her, amused but serious, "Either an early walker or an early talker. You can't have both."

"Yeah, well. Apparently we can't have either", she disagreed with a stern look at their son's legs, which were both stretched out in full casts.

"He walked a few meters when he was barely ten months", Jackson argued in a playful manner, "That has to count for something."

"Yeah", April sighed. "I guess."

His hand worked – seemingly – on its own accord, reaching over to grab hers and stroke it. "Hey. That's why we're having the consult today, right? To see if we can do the surgery now."

"If, that's right." She ran a hand over her face. Whenever she slipped out of her positive demeanor it was just for a little while, and only ever with Jackson. "I'm sorry. I'm just a bit stressed about it, that's all. I mean... even if it works it would still mean putting him under general anesthesia for quite some time, and after what happened last week with the Taylor case I..."

"Hey, hey, hey, April. Babe, look at me." He only continued once she did. "We don't know any of that yet. So let's not stress about it, okay? Not until we know."

It was a rule for them. With a child like Samuel stressing before they knew would mean locking themselves in a completely padded room all day. Life was as unpredictable as Samuel's bones were breakable. If they anticipated any injury they wouldn't be able to continue a normal life. Of course, some things like concrete ground playgrounds could be avoided. But they also believed that some things shouldn't be avoided, not until they'd tried. This way, they hoped (and in April's case prayed), for their son to have the closest thing to a regular life possible. Not a life governed by rules based on assumptions enough people outside his family would continue to make as he grew older.

"I guess you're right", she surrendered. "I just..." She shook her head. "It's been a long day."

"It's lunchtime, babe."

She didn't say anything, he'd already said enough.

Jackson continued to rub circles on his wife's hand as he watched her feed their son. There was nothing he could say, not yet. He wished he could comfort her with words, but he didn't find any. How did you comfort someone who took a forced leave of work because their son had broken both of his legs again after the surgery to prevent them from breaking was canceled because of a common cold? Maybe he'd only knew if he'd had been the one staying home with their child.

Hitting her with the possibility that her period of staying home with Samuel would likely be prolonged was not something he wanted to right now. However, when she rose from her seat to clean up the baby and take him to the nursery Jackson just knew he wouldn't be able to put it off for very much longer. He was so bad at keeping secrets from her she'd guessed all of his presents last year: birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter and then some.

April's frown immediately disappeared when she focused on Samuel. Her every expression was exaggerated as she communicated with their son. And for a minute there Jackson thought -

But then he remembered. He remembered her telling him her dream: a family, a house, and being chief of trauma. He couldn't ask her to give up one third of what she'd always wanted. Not when he wanted to give her everything that would make her happy.

"I'll put Sammy down for his nap. Can you take care of the dishes?"

"Oh- uhm. Sure", he nodded, ripped from his thoughts.

"But maybe finish your tortilla first. You've barely touched it", she said. Her nose scrunched up a cute little bit when she asked: "Is it bad?"

"No! No, it's fine. I was just watching the two of you earlier", he admitted sheepishly.

Red hair flew around as she made her way to the nursery calling out: "You're a weird man, Jackson Avery."

Oh how he wished to be just that. Some random weird man that barged into her life with terrible news. But he wasn't just that. He wasn't.

It took April twenty minutes to put Samuel down, which was a miracle considering the difficulty he had sleeping with the casts on his legs. Something Jackson supposed he'd never get used to. She let herself fall on the sofa with a sigh. "I'm so glad your day off is tomorrow. I think I've cleaned every last bit of the flat."

"You didn't have to", Jackson told her truthfully. They had cleaning services come once a week.

"Yeah well, what else was I supposed to do?" She shrugged. "We can't even play properly with the casts. It's just lying around reading the same books over and over, waiting for his first word... at least I'm sure I won't miss it, so that's that."

"And he won't get injured speaking his first word", Jackson put in.

"Mhhh... thank God his teeth are healthy", April agreed. Her head slid to the side, resting between his own head and shoulder. The silence was comfortable. Almost too comfortable. Jackson just couldn't bear it.

"Babe?"

"Mh?"

"You know how Hunt's going to Jordan for this doctors without borders thing?" He looked down at her as she lay nuzzled against his neck.

"It's the military, Jackson," she corrected, as she would. He smiled.

"Yeah... yeah, you're right, babe. Military."

"What about it?" April asked, her voice already getting drowsy. She was usually sleepy with him lately, because she spent every waking minute of Samuel's life awake herself.

Jackson swallowed. He wasn't ready to approach this. Hell, he had no idea how to approach this! But he had to. For April. He'd promised. He had to.

"So... he said that people can still join if they want to..."

April said up abruptly, eyes full of fear. "No, Jackson. Absolutely not." She shook her head. "Please don't. You can't do that to me, to us, we need..."

He stopped her with a finger against her lips. "April, calm down. I'm not going."

"Good," she sighed unaware of what else he had to say, "Because..."

"I think you should go, though."

The blank stare of hers spoke volumes, she only croaked: "What?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) "For this child I prayed" is 1 Samuel 1:27. They really chose a name with a lot of meaning.  
> 2) So this might seem a little bit OOC. In the show we saw April and Jackson exhibiting very different coping mechanisms. Where Jackson desperately wanted to get back to "normal" (suggesting they have another baby, assuming April was fine as soon as she was back at work), April was holding on to the what ifs (sitting in the nursery cuddling plushies, standing in front of the babies in the maternity ward). Jackson wanted to escape the world April wanted to live in. I think if he'd really understood why she needed going to Jordan (to get back to reality where, among others, her husband lived) he wouldn't have discouraged it as much. But since those two suck at communicating. So... Have a happy TGIT tomorrow :)!


	9. Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought Japril needed some fluff.

Swaying with her crying son on her hip made April think that maybe, just maybe they shouldn't have taken Samuel here in the first place. 

But then, they hadn't known. Two weeks ago Samuel, for the first time in his life, had received an invitation to his friend's birthday party. Said invitation had given them time and location of the celebration. It hadn't included any indication of any activities in any way upsetting to their child. 

His first invite. A chance to get to meet the other parents between their busy jobs, perhaps arrange some play dates. Cake. Presents. Fun. Of course they had taken him.

Only it turned out to be a kind of fun their son couldn't join in, no matter how many firsts he was crossing off his bucket list that day.

“I'm sorry, Sammy, I'm sorry”, April whispered against the crown of his head.

He didn't react. Why would he? She'd ruined his first time going to a birthday party. She sighed.

Moments like these were the hardest. Both she and Jackson wanted to give him everything, always. Not in the way that they'd spoil him, definitely not, but... you know, grasping opportunities. Like waffles after church on Sunday. Taking him out of daycare and sneaking away from ER duties for an hour of lunch. Late night trips to the park in nothing but wellies and pajamas to check whether the little ducks really did have to go to bed like he did. Stuff like that.  
They almost lost him. He was better now. Better, but still fragile. They wanted to give him as much happiness as they could.  
Telling him no on issues that with any other child would be a no brainer yes was one of the harder parts.

April could feel the other mother's eyes on her back as they wondered why. But the last thing on her mind right now was to set their's at ease. 

On her mind was this:  
They should have checked. They should have called, asked what the children would do. They should have prevented this.  
Also on her mind: the absence of her husband.

Unfair enough he always seemed to be off delivering-bad-news-duty. He rarely ever told their son no. On more than one occasion Samuel had turned up to ask April something starting along the lines of “Daddy said to ask you”. Which, to be honest, she preferred to taking him to the hospital after Daddy said yes without consulting her.  
No. That wasn't fair. It only happened once and he really couldn't have anticipated it. Besides, who was she to talk – she'd been far away on a different continent at the time to find herself, her son being the last thing on her mind. Well. Not the last. But definitely not the first neither. Jackson couldn't have anticipated that Samuel would get hurt.

This, on the other hand, they could have anticipated. Little children have to be preoccupied on their birthdays so the grown ups can chit chat without having to worry about them. There are always activities at children's birthday parties. (However, they had not been to a children's birthday party before, not with their son anyway, and April really believed that her childhood experiences -playing in the hay, pig back riding, mudcakes- hardly compared to those of a child growing up in the Emerald City.)

Right now Samuel wasn't experiencing anything positive, though, may that be mud or green grass. April's t-shirt sported a deep purple spot where he had been crying on it. His face was red and puffy from the same action that had caused the stain. He had been in the same position – squashed against her shoulder - for quite a while now, which probably wasn't great for his skull. All in all, this was a disaster.

Just as she contemplated letting her son go against her better knowledge – how bad could it be (well, she knew, but maybe today he was lucky, maybe today he could do it) – a familiar voice took some weight off her shoulders.

“Hey you two, what's up?”

Giving her husband a tired smile April said: “They're all playing on the trampoline.”  
This, of course, earned her a high pierced shriek of Samuel, who apparently still knew why he'd started crying.

“Ah, dam—sel”, Jackson saved himself. Swearing in front of their two-year-old was an absolute no go. “Tough luck, huh, Sammy?”

Samuel just kept on crying.

Over his head April caught a quick glance at the other parents. Staring, wondering, judging. Again, she sighed. “I didn't- I couldn't give an explanation. He was almost on there already, so I just- went and grabbed him. I bet they all think-”

“Doesn't matter what they think. They don't know.”

Their eyes met. Despite their child's never ceasing crying they both smiled.

“So... does someone want to play plane?”

Behind April's shoulder two eyes peaked up at Jackson. “Plane?”

It always surprised April how these moments when they had to tell their son no seemed to last an eternity, and how easily they could be forgotten.

Sure enough when she was done explaining the reason why Samuel couldn't go onto the trampoline to the other parents, Jackson was busy giving every child a turn on his arm plane as their son stood by, beaming proudly at his dad.  
And she knew then that going to this party had been a good choice after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was in fact the first chapter I wrote when TLOS-idea popped into my head. Then I figured I could tell a few stories before that. But this was actually where the idea was born and I think it shows :D


End file.
